The Tasmanian Devil lives at my house!

 I kid you not. My son Wesley is the Tasmanian devil...Everywhere he goes, everything he touches, he leaves a huge mess in his wake. Even standing still he can make a mess.

His room looks like a tornado hit it ( more than once) clothes everywhere, empty soda bottles on the shelves, garbage overflowing. I am tempted to leave it all, but then I can't imagine what kind of "critters" would decide to come feast in my home.

Connor is not so bad, but he exhibits the same similarities as Wesley. His room has the bottles, the laundry on the floor and the garbage overflowing. Why anyone can't think to empty the garbage pails is beyond me.

I had started literally following Wesley around picking up after him, but that got old very quickly. Now its going out privileges taken away if their rooms are not clean, laundry not put away and garbage pails not dumped. It works much better, and stops me from having to run around constantly.

Today however was a first even for Wesley. I got a brand new large capacity front loading, stainless steel LG washer and dryer delivered to the house THE DAY BEFORE. I had already done 5 loads with them and there were no incidents. One load of Wesley's jeans ( with a whole pack of chewing gum in the pocket) almost brought down both appliances. ONE DAY! The washer is fine, the dryer I needed to clean off with a Clorox wipe or two to get the dried on stains off ( The gum of course was the very red 5 fruit flavor kind with Shaun Whites name on it). It took me the better part of an hour to get it all off the sides, the inside of the drum, and the front glass.

Even if it still was under warranty, what do I say to Home Depot? ...Well, the Tasmanian Devil got to it of course!

Girls have got to be at least cleaner and neater...Don't they?

Beware the word "WE"

"We" used to be such a great word. It signaled collaboration, togetherness, pairings, working side by side,  a spirit of 2 (or more).

Today, in my testosterone jungle, it really just means "me" in disguise. I know better than to use the word "we" in my house. I am very careful to use either I or me. Why? Because "we" has turned upside down and become "Me". My kids seem to know better. They use I or you. They very rarely use the word "we". There is hope for them yet!

My husband however is a different story.  I get statements like;  "we" have to... When he really just means that "I" have to. Me, not we, not him, just me. I try to turn this around on him all the time. I would say "we" need to clean the leaves up in the yard ( knowing full well that I am not out to do it.) Or, simple things like "we" need to get the oil changed in the cars, or "we" need to drop off the garbage. All the while really meaning that "he" needs to do it.

I am very sly sometimes too. I will even go so far as to start helping him with a job "we" start it,  and let him finish...A way to motivate him to start and finish the job. Otherwise, left up to him, he wouldn't have started it, or finished it. So I guess that is "we" at least in the beginning.

So, fair warning, beware the word "WE".

Something I knew all along, now there is "research" behind it.

http://www.boston.com/community/moms/articles/2011/12/13/working_mothers_outdoing_fathers_in_multitasking_at_home_study_finds/?p1=News_links

When the tupperware spouts legs!

I've mentioned it before, but I am stuck on this- Why can't men finish anything? They unload the dishwasher, and I have to put the "last" of the things away. Mainly the tupperware sitting on the counter that will need to spout legs to crawl to the cabinets if I don't do it. Or, the leaves that are now sitting along the back fence, that need to be blown to the front to be picked up (you know that won't happen anytime soon) Those leaves are going to be there cone spring. So, we will have to burn them so they are out of the way of the fence gate so we can mow the lawn. You want to guess when that will happen? My guess is after the snow flies!

And then there is the laundry. They take their laundry into their rooms, but it NEVER gets puts away. My husband keeps his on the floor at the end of the bed, Connor will keep his on his papasan chair, Wesley will put his on the floor of his room. Doesn't ANYONE feel the need to put this stuff away? Apparently not!

So, lets move on to the garage. The NEW snowmobiles and my mother in laws stuff is on the left side, my car has room to go in on the right side (that was after a great battle with my husband on which car was actually going in the garage).  I was moving things around the other day ( so if they fell, they would not scratch my NEW car) and found some interesting things my husband didn't even realized we had there. His ski pants for one (why they were in the garage I have no idea) Or the 5 ( yes 5) coolers we have sitting on the ledge of the garage. At least 3 of them were broken, and I asked if I could throw them away and got the ultimate answer "Why are you going through stuff in the garage?" "Well", I said, I am trying to de-clutter so that I can avoid having things fall and scratch my NEW car." I should have said, "I am moving the junk to the other side so it can sit on top of your new snowmobile" that would have gotten his attention! And probably sonme things moved to the trash. But, as it was, I had to put it in the "throw away" pile.

And now on to actually doing some work at home. It's like pulling teeth to get ANY of them to do work at the house. My husband actually said to me "I don't have to" when I asked him what work he was planning to do at the house on a particular weekend. WHAT?? How did that happen? Do you live here too? Living here requires that ALL people in the house help- Not just me. That has been a very tough lesson to teach to any of these guys. I figures, like the tupperware, if I leave things where they put them, it might get clutter4ed enough at a later date for them to put stuff away (all the way away).

I think I am going top try a new tactic...If you were supposed to put it away and did not, it stays where it is.  PERIOD. In fact, I am going to take pictures of the counters daily to see how long it stays there. Stay tuned...

Giving Thanks...

Today is Thanksgiving. And , despite the bad days, the ups, the downs, and the totally unexpected, I am thankful. I am thankful that my first son, who spent his first of week of life in the Neonatal unit at Mass General is a pretty normal teen. His infant complications could have caused him to have been paralyzed for life ( if he made it past the first week of his life).

I am thankful, that even though there is serious mental illness affecting members of my family, that only one member of my family gave in to the illness, and is no longer with us. Even though it is not an easy or pleasant thing to deal with, it can be dealt with and people can live long lives despite the demons and stigma.

I am thankful for having good health, despite the stupid blood disease I have to live with the rest of my life. It could be worse. As I witness every time I need to go to the cancer center at Dana Farber. I think my situation is a pain ( which it is) but I don't have to sit there all day, feeling sick, getting chemotherapy. I get to leave, go to work, and survive another day. Something they may not be able to do one of these days soon.

I am thankful for my friends. I can be very difficult and they put up with me and help me no matter what. I have lost a few friends, and some never call or check in, but the ones that I have are the best and better than I could have expected.

I guess, all in all, everything is good.

Finishing things

Somehow or another I can't seem to get any of the men in my house to finish things. Cleaning their rooms means still leaving clothes on the floor, vacuuming the carpet means leaving the vacuum in the middle of the floor with the cord still lying on the ground. Emptying the dishwasher means leaving the tupperware and the big serving dishes on the counter. Taking a shower means leaving the towel on the floor. Cleaning up after dinner means leaving he big pans out and not wiping down the table or the counter...Makes me crazy ( and you know that is why they do it). I wanted to at least research why it is that they do these things... Low and behold, this is what I found. Lyrics that say it all..
http://www.metrolyrics.com/cant-finish-what-you-started-lyrics-motion-city-soundtrack.html

Priorities

In the never ending struggle of defining priorities between men and women, I always find it odd how far apart we are when it comes to what is important. In my house, the priorities of my 3 men are (in no particular order) Sports, TV, cars. You notice that NONE of these have anything to do with their living situation (like cleaning their rooms or picking up after themselves) Or making sure there is enough food, drinks and snacks in the house. Here's another example;

After rushing to do grocery shopping this weekend ( because I had to work at a conference Sunday afternoon) I was informed that I forgot to buy some items we had run out of.  My response? If we were out of them and you knew it, why didn't you stop off and pick them up? ) After all, my husband had jury duty this week and was home earlier than "normal" for the last 4 days.

I mentioned that he could always pick these things up ( especially since he wasn't as busy as he normally is due to jury duty) and I got the " you have 5 heads" look. It was a "deer in the headlights" moment. One he wasn't going to get out of (at least not this time) and then ...silence.

It's usually easier to tell me we are out of items than to take it upon yourself to pick up these things up.  I supposed if it were motor oil, car filters, and some other outdoor/vehicle item I would never be asked to pick them up, but everyday household items? Aren't those my responsibilities? Well, simple answer...NO!

To make it as clear as day, black and white, I decided the best thing to do was to write down all the things I had to do in the house and for the family as well as write down all the things my husband and sons had to do for the family. Care to guess which list was the biggest? Even written down, it wasn't registering-There was every excuse in the book why they couldn't get to the things on their list. Even the great quote from my husband "I don't have to do them". WHAT?? Well, I saw red, flames were coming our of my ears and nose, my hair was standing on its end....What do you mean you don't have to do them? I asked. His response "I am allowed to relax once in awhile too". Yes, yes, you are, once all the things we need done are done. Then my other comment; "Well, what if I decided not do anything either? How would that do? I don't think my husband had ever thought what would happen if that really was the case. But, reality speaking, I would never say anything like that , nor would not ever do NOTHING. Its just not in my DNA.

To his defense (I am sure you are noticing my sarcastic tone here) there were some ambiguous things on the list. Like getting rid of the paint cans that have been sitting outside on the ledge near the garage since July. We did rent a dumpster when we had some work on the house done, but you can't put paint in the dumpster- So, its been left where it was put-0utside on the ledge. My husbands excuse for not getting rid of them; "I don't know where I can dump them".  It will take him a few more weekends to get rid of the paint cans. My guess is that they will be covered with snow before they are tossed.

I am sure I am not the only one who wishes that menss priorities would at least sometimes include "family" chores, or even at the minimal, not use the phrase "WE need to do it" when you really mean "YOU have to do it".

All is a days work. Then some,  apparently.