Questions....

 I spent the better part of my weekend this weekend picking up, cleaning up, following up, and almost throwing up. Doing things that should have been taken care of by my the 3 men the first time around.

I decided that I am going to write down some "standard" questions they are going to need to ask themselves from now on. I am sure some men (mine included) will find these the "mystery of like" questions...

Here are a few I thought I would share, please email me some more 

( I know I will need them)!

1) How do you think your clothes get dry if you don't put them in the dryer?
2) Why can't you find your own stuff?

3) How will the dishes in your room get to the dishwasher?

4) How can you tell which clothes are dirty and which are clean?

5) Why don't you have any clean underwear?

6) Why can't you remember to do things that HAPPEN THE SAME TIME ?

7) How do you think the Tupperware gets from the counter to the cabinets?

8) Why aren't ANY of the household tools where they are supposed to be?

9) Why isn't the cordless drill ever charged when you need it?

10 ) Why do we have 10 of the same thing one day, then none the next?

11) Why isn't there any toilet paper upstairs in the bathroom?

12) Why don't you have any clean towels?

13) Where is your homework?

14) How does the counter get cleaned off after you have made a sandwich?

15) What happened to the money you had 2 days ago?

16) Why can you remember to get your car fixed, but not anything else (like inspected) ?

17) Why can't something get fixed the first time?

18) How can you leave things for later then forget about them?

19) Are you kidding me?

And the ultimate one:

20) HOW DID/CAN  YOU EVER SURVIVE ON YOUR OWN?

I am interested in hearing yours...

 

Why can't I find...

These are CLEAN clothes.

Rather than put them away in drawers (which he has plenty of) or hang them up, they go in a pile on the floor next to the bed. They start out folded, but by the time he rifles through them the first morning, they are all in a big heap like the picture you see. After seeing this, I think will just stop doing laundry all together, after all, why bother?

On days where he is particularly bearish- you can hear him yell "Where are all my work shirts?" Well, this type of pile really would make me a bear too! In fact, as I went around the bed to pull the sheets back on the mattress this morning and make the bed, I tripped over this pile and yelled some profanities myself, putting me in a very bearish mood for the day today.

EEEWW- As my Aunt put it when she saw this picture I posted on facebook.

I tried to look up some articles on men and laundry to put them in here, but I only found one- And it asked for stories, that ironically no one had...In fact, I thought it was so funny I pasted the link here (http://goodmenproject.com/category/real-men-do-laundry) you will get a kick out of the picture and the plead for posts then underneath it says "no posts available". Now that should tell you something..

I honestly wonder what planet men really come from sometimes. My youngest son has the same bad habits with his laundry. Certainly NOT from the countless reminders I give him to put his laundry away. I don't understand how you could pull something out of a pile, wrinkled and full of dog hair, and put in on to wear for the day? I know that folding them and putting them away can be a hassle. But the hassle gets bigger and bigger the longer you wait and the higher the pile gets (trust me, I should know)!

Are men chronically messy or chronically lazy?  Today, I vote both...

When Men are sick.

Men are such babies when they are sick. I found an "insightful" blog entry that I will share with you at the end of this blog, but let me tell you the difference between the rest of us being sick, and men being sick.

The rest of have colds- Men have bronchitis, pneumonia, whopping cough, pertussis, the black plague, etc

The rest of us have a sprain- Men have something broken.

The rest of us have heartburn-Men think they are having a  heart attack.

The rest of us have a cut-Men have something that may need stitches, require 10 band-aides and a tourniquet.

The rest us have a headache-Men have a brain tumor.

The rest of us have back pain-Men have a bulging disk, pinched nerves, arthritis, or something that would require a spinal tap.

The rest of us have a food poisoning- Men have a parasite in their intestines.

The rest of us have swollen feet, hands, etc- Men have a life threatening water blockage.

The rest of us have a bump on the head-Men have a concussion.

And for those of you who want to really want to know what to do when men are sick...Check out this blog entry...

http://decodingmen.com/men-when-they-are-sick/

Not all men are "Mr. Fix it"

I know now why older women date or marry younger men. It's because they believe the younger man can DO MORE. As well as be handy and a "Mr. Fix it" when they need it. After all, isn't that what all men are supposed to be?

Well, I am here to tell you, it's all a lie. Case in point; My husband, Dave. Although he was an auto mechanic for years, and he has thousands (and I mean thousands) of dollars of tools in the garage (in a nice big red craftsmen toolbox with drawers and wheels), it is obvious that it's all for show and he really has no business fixing anything. In fact, I tell people that he has the Midas touch in reverse when it comes to mechanical things or trying to fix things.
I have a few stories to tell.

The first one has to do with a boat: We bought a used boat ( a 16 foot Sea Ray) for the lake to use at the house up in Maine about 5 years back. The first year we had the boat all was well. Everything worked well, it ran well, and everyone was happy. Year two-Somehow or another, Dave FORGOT about a bunch of rocks ( that he had helped stake off many times) and ran right over them (with my son on the back being pulled on a tube) and put a BIG GAPING HOLE in the lower transom of the motor- $1500 to fix.Year three-There was a small hole somewhere in the inboard/outboard area, The boat was put in the water, but that night, the bilge pump did not get rid of all water and the boat SANK. While it was attached to the dock. top part of the boat still roped to the dock, backside of the boat underwater, straining the floating dock (almost took that too) and was sitting on the rocky bottom ( about 3 feet of water). Another $1000 to fix. I had to help him at least get the boat floating again so it could be floated and taken out of the water (which was another major project). Year four-Somehow or another the starter and the gear shift needed to be replaced. And, whatever was done to "winterize" the boat
(which Dave does) put water in the gas tank. Cough up another $500 or so.

And then, Dave,  has the nerve to ask....Can we get a NEW boat? Are you kidding me? Look what you did to a used one, can you imagine what these issues would cost on a new boat? Do I look like I am crazy?

Then there was the oil change gone bad on my Saab. I loved my Saab (I just recently gave it up for a BMW 3 series) It was a 2004 9-3. It had 189,000 miles when I gave it up last November. One year, Dave decided that he was going to try to save money and change the oil in my car. That time he changed my oil, he bent something in engine, causing a major leak. I brought it to the dealer, and $200 later, it was fixed. They asked me who did my oil change. I didn't have the nerve to tell them it was my husband. Needless to say, I didn't let him change the oil again. Nor is he allowed to touch the BMW.

There are also stories equally humorous (not really) about 2 riding lawn mowers, a weed whacker, a leaf blower, and just recently the electric garage door opener. All somehow or another broken after being "fixed".

Trust me ladies, not all men are handy with mechanical things or tools. If you have one like mine, get ready to do home improvement ( or anything fix it for that matter) by yourself. In the long run, it will save you aggravation and money.

If I had a dime for everytime I was left to do it myself....

 I would be very, very, rich. Maybe even Mitt Romney rich!

 I still find it amazing that men are adverse to work that may involve bettering the house, bettering the yard, or helping out with anything that doesn't directly pertain to them, or benefit them immediately.

Some of you may remember that pile of leaves that didn't make it out of my backyard (no one wanted to blow them to the front so the yard people could pick them up). The pile that is 3 feet high up against my back fence and gate? Well...It turns out that someone was coming to buy our old lawn tractor (I had listed it on Craigslist). In order to get it out of the backyard, we would need to move it out through the double gate...through the 3 feet of leaves IN FRONT off the gate, the leaves, which were now FROZEN to the ground. So, WHO do you think had to move it from the far backyard, through the 3 feet of frozen leaves on the ground, through the gate, over the entire front yard to the garage? ME OF COURSE! Why? Well, my husband had forgotten about the guy coming the night before and was mysteriously not around to help the day he was coming, that's why....

And, I had to clean the tractor off to make it look as presentable as possible so we could get it out of the backyard before the snow fell. Thank god the guy bought it! If I had to move it back to the far backyard, my husband would be living in the shed with his NEW lawn tractor his mother bought for him! The two of them would have been very happy together.

So, lets move on to the washer and dryer (I also listed on craigslist for sale). There was a guy coming to take them both away, but we had to move them into the garage temporarily so the new washer and dryer could be delivered ( There is NO WAY I could survive without a washer and dryer for more than 1 day) Who do you think moved the washer and dryer, cleaned up the laundry room, and directed the installers where to put the machines? I DID.. Yes, I DID move BOTH the washer and dryer myself to the garage ( no stairs were involved) as well as clean them off,  put the instruction books with them, and I even had the receipt back from 2004 to give them too (my husband can't find the W2 he just got in the mail!).

And people wonder why I need therapy! The only saving grace about all of this, is that I MAKE my sons help when they are around. Maybe when they get older, they will NOT follow in their old mans footsteps. I am trying, really I am....

NO SNOW makes for very unhappy snowmobilers.

Here we are, another winter is upon us. This New England winter though, has been very mild. with warm temperatures and more importantly NO SNOW. I could have told you there would be NO SNOW because my husband purchased 2 NEW SNOWMOBILES in October. Almost virtually guaranteeing there would be no snow this year.

And, if listening to them ( my husband and son) whine and complain about NO SNOW isn't bad enough; I have to endure the daily snow depth maps and the NOAA website on a daily basis as they desperately search for ANY SNOW in the northern hemisphere. They are willing to drive 6-8 hours to get snow if they have to. In fact, I heard them talking about driving to Fort Kent, Maine this weekend
(MLK weekend) to be able to break out these new machines.

Now, if I had tried to get them that interested in ANYTHING remotely having to do with work, or the house, there would be none of it. In fact, besides the daily watching of the snow radar, and the NOAA website, I have been unable to get them ( my son and my husband) to do much if anything around the house. A case in point; Rather than deal with a very messy and dirty family room (which I rarely venture into downstairs) They decided to go out into the garage ( the one that should have a car in it, but has 2 snowmobiles instead) and start up the 2 machines...Just for the fun of it, and to get smoke and gas fumes into the house. Or, rather than finish putting away the Christmas lights and blow ups,  they are playing with the snowmobile trailer to make sure it can be moved easily ( when they can go somewhere to snowmobile).

And one more thing that really put the icing on the cake. My son ( who is 16) is looking for a job. Mainly because I told him I am not going to hand out $20 every time he needs to fill up his car. So, on his own, he ventured into an establishment and filled out an application. He gets home, tells my husband,, who promptly asks him "How are you going to go snowmobiling if you have to work weekends?

Now you know why women and men cannot live together....